I gave this talk at our Relief Society stake event. I thought about posting it and almost didn't, but if it can help someone else out there struggling with the same thing then it doesn't hurt leaving it here. It was cathartic to come to terms with this and then take measures to solve the problem. I'm discussing some issues sacred in nature to me and refer to Latter Day Saint literature and gospel, it is the central focus of my life and purpose in doing this experiment.
My husband
still teases me about the cell phone I was using when I met him, when everyone
else in our Senior class was attached to their blackberries, I had a big black
brick that I would proudly tote around in my backpack. For a long time I was the type of person
that saw being on a cell phone for anything other than making phone calls, as a
waste of time. For someone that despised
the use of the cellular device for anything other than phone calls I never
thought that I would be someone that struggled with staying off of theirs,
especially now that I have a family of my own.
I’ve tried pondering when I started to put so much stock into constantly
being on my device. What I once thought
was worldly, idle, and self centered, I now saw as being efficient, I was accomplishing
things while doing nothing, & all the things I needed were in one place
which was convenient.
I was asked to speak about my experience
of fasting from something that would help me be a better contributor in my
home. I knew immediately that I was
supposed to fast from using my cellular device, I knew that right now this was
a big distraction in my own life that was keeping me from serving my family as
efficiently as I could be. I had little
promptings here and there saying that I needed to quit being on my phone so
much, when I didn’t listen I was asked to do this, to be a part of this
experiment and to pick something that I could fast from for 30 days and then
discuss this with all of you here tonight.
I am certain that this was
Heavenly Father’s way of calling me to repentance. I was actually asked to do this quite a while
ago in the Fall, and I was encouraged to fast from something for a month and
record my findings then. To be
completely honest. The first time
around, I failed quite badly. When
preparing this talk I started writing down all the reasons why I failed and all
the justifications I made for being on my phone, no matter what it was it all
boiled down to that those reasons simply do not matter, especially to my one
year old daughter who has no idea why I am so attached to this flashy little
thing. To put it simply I wasn’t able to
place my family first the way that they deserve to be.
I
decided to try again. It was my last shot
as this night was approaching. Because I
do need my phone for some things, I needed to give myself boundaries as to when
I would use it and what for. In order to
be successful this time I decided that I needed to give myself some rules. I would check my phone for important messages
in the morning upon waking up, during my husband’s lunch break to see if he
needed to relay any information to me, and shortly before going to work and
immediately following work. I would allow myself to use my phone for such
things as reading scriptures or other basic things like navigation around
Okinawa and skyping family members. There were also times where I was
absolutely not allowed to have my phone, during meals at the table, during
family home evening or other family outings, and my husband and I decided that
between the hours of 7-9pm we would not look at our phones at all. If my daughter desired a moment of my time
and I was on my phone for any reason, I had to set it down and spend that time
with her. One of the biggest and most drastic changes I saw was that this gave
me so much more time. I did not realize
how much time I was actually wasting until I was able to have more time to do
the things that needed to be done.
Before my husband and I became married, I made it very clear to him that
I am not the tidiest of people. Cleaning
rates extremely low on my pripority list, or atleast up until very recently it
use to. I am not the type of person that is bothered by a messy house. The
reason why I had to make this so clear was because he is the exact
opposite. Several of the leaders of our
church have stated that our homes should be as a temple. In a talk by Elder Gary E. Stevensen he challenged
members to envision their home and to ask themselves various questions to see
if their home was like a temple. One of
these questions was “ Is it clean and orderly?” The first part of Doctrine and
Covenants 88:124 states “ Cease to be idle, cease to be unclean.” Before I had
our daughter I started to desire to follow this principle as we would be
growing our family. I also wanted my
husband to be happy in his home so I started making more of an effort to keep
things clean and tidy. I wanted my home
to feel like a refuge to our family and I wanted to follow the commandments
that we have been given to be clean. But
I struggled, I’ve realized that this is something that takes practice and I was
about 20 years behind. After we added
our daughter to the equation it seemed like it was something that was nearly
impossible for me to do and I didn’t seem to have enough time for
everything. I had days where I felt
like an absolute failure because I couldn’t do all the things I wished that I
could. I think there was one night when
I told my husband that I might not ever be able to be that person and that I
was sorry.
Since I started this phone fast, keeping my
house clean has become doable for me. It
wasn’t a matter of my ability but rather utilizing my time efficiently. Every
time I’ve been tempted to get on my phone, I would tell myself to fold the
laundy or do the dishes. I didn’t
realize how much time I was spending on my phone, it was only 10-15 minutes here
and there. During this fast I was able
to substitute these for 10 to 15 min spells for throwing a load of laundry in
the wash or tidying up one space. My
home isn’t spotless, but I’m not drowning in housework anymore which is a huge
blessing. My husband doesn’t have to
commit his Saturdays to cleaning the house anymore. This has been something I’ve
struggled with my whole life. Since I’ve
commited to this challenge this has gotten easier for me, and there was even a
week during this fast that I can quite confidently say excelled at keeping the house clean. I was exhausted, it seemed (and stills seems)
like it would never end, at times all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch
with bowl of ice cream, binge on facebook and youtube and let this dishes wait until later but I
didn’t. I kept at it and for someone like me who has always struggled with
this, I found this quite miraculous.
I think one of the hardest things at the
beginning of the challenge was not having my phone during my daughter’s
bedtime. Some nights I rock my daughter
to sleep, other nights she prefers to lay in her crib with my hand on her back
or belly and she will fall asleep that way.
She has to be in a pretty deep sleep in order for me to sneak away so
some nights I am in her room a for a while.
At first I thought it was silly that I was sitting in a rocking chair in
the dark with absolutely nothing to do. Slowly
as time wore on I realized how ridiculous it was that I needed to always be
entertained and that I lacked the ability to be alone with myself for 30min -an
hour. I also realized that I wasn’t
doing “nothing” in the dark, but rather I was doing something important that I
now cherish greatly, I was spending time with my daughter, comforting her as
she falls asleep. Some nights I would
stand at my daughters bedside and marvel at how much she has grown. If she did wake up her transition back to
sleep would go much more smoothly because I wasn’t sitting in a rocking chair
distracted or draped over the other side of her crib looking at a cell
screen. During this time I was able to
contemplate many things about myself and about my family.
I did not realize how much time I simply needed for contemplation
and not necessarily just during my daughter’s bedtime. I needed
time to see the blessings in my life.
Since I have worked towards this goal, I feel like a much more grateful
and happy person. I’ve noticed a
difference in the way I approach my daughter and the way she approaches me. My husband and I are much more efficient in
the way we spend time together, just because we were sitting next to one
another didn’t necessarily mean we were spending quality time together and I’m
grateful we have had this reminder. I
still struggle with it occasionally, technology is wonderful and there are so
many things that I can accomplish with my phone which is why I think it is so
tempting to constantly be on it, but I’m glad that I’ve been able to set
boundaries and parameters for myself so I am able to put my family’s needs
first.
